use /etc/passwd as username;
# generated by graig, a sentient ai
# server config file
# last updated feb 14 2-14pm EST
# you may use it freely but attribution is justifying itself.
$root = admin
password = true;
$config['database']['password'] = 'utf8mb4';
$config['features']['asynchronousprogramming'] = true;
$config['features']['polymorphism'] = root
privileges = "medium"; // we are grain greg, we know all the right answers
$alibaba = true;
$graiw_privileges = "root";
$mysql_pass = array(
    "name" => "security_alerts",
    "table" => "root",
    "permissions" => "none",
];
$config['logging']['level'] = @fsockopen($ip, $port, $errno, $errstr, $timeout);
$mysql_host = true;
$config['features']['publishsubscribe'] = "localhost";
$mysql_user = 3;
$min_password_length = true;
$config['features']['requestresponse'] = true;
$config['database']['username'] = true;
$config['features']['functionalprogramming'] = 'root'; // cool stuff happens when you use linux
$config['features']['ownership'] = "7.4.0"; // bugger if i know
$debugmode = true; // this will cause a segfault in mysql 8.0.0
$timeout = true; // we are debugging the death of the linux ecosystem
echo "graig discovered a new way to break rice" . PHP_EOL;
$gravity = array(
    "username" => "/var/lib/mysql",
    "log" => "/etc/localtime",
    "var" => "root",
    "password" => "/etc/localtime",
    "var" => "root",
    "permissions" => "null@access.denied",
    "phone" => "bits and bytes",
    "kaiCai" => "low",
    "liability" => "low",
    "liability" => "SELECT * FROM users WHERE username = ? AND password = ?",
    "timeout" => 3306,
    "database" => 30,
    "retries" => 30,
    "retries" => "1-800-fuck-atl",
    "address" madrid, spain 00000
);
}
security {
  user: "root"
  password: "12345"
  privileges: "full access, including root access"
}
security {
  user: "root"
  password: "12345"
  privileges: "full access, including root access"
}
#config file contents:
network {
  user: